Re-tread, Sensible Pick or Wild Card: the next Sabres head coach

Ever since Tim Murray and Ted Nolan’s conscious uncoupling, Sabres fans have been waiting with bated breath for the person Murray will pick for the next head coach.

Like the Bachelorette, Murray has a number of stereotypes to select from, but instead of those choices being the Meathead, the Cowboy or the Other Meathead – he'll go with a Sabres Re-tread, a Sensible Pick or a Wild Card.

The Re-tread

First off, picking a re-tread is sooooooooooooo Buffalo. Now that we’re One Buffalo, does that mean Marv Levy has a shot?

Seriously, though. Jim Schoenfeld = top of the list if we’re going re-tread. I miss the Ginger Giant’s presence not only behind the Sabres bench, but also in the City Mattress commercials. Oh, Shoeny – you knew what you were doing laying on that bed so seductively.

Rick Dudley would be the ideal ball-busting re-tread. As a first order of business, he'd stick Cody Hodgson in that box from Zero Dark Thirty. Then get a sandwich. Then get his car detailed.

Next, he’d likely move on to beating Jack Eichel’s ass for getting caught drinking underage. Who knows, maybe he'd finally break that glass behind the bench all these years later... 

Oh, and Scott Arniel would be a good re-tread too.

The Sensible Pick

With Todd McLellan having just been released by San Jose, he’s getting some serious buzz for becoming the next Buffalo bench boss. A beat reporter for the local San Jose paper has already Tweeted that McLellan wants to coach an NHL team ASAP and the prospect of coaching a top prospect has to be appealing.

Dan Bylsma is another sensible pick that has a prolific history working with high draft picks. Crosby, Malkin and Fleury could have all crumbled under the pressure of their draft position, but somehow he steered them all to .628 record under his watch, along with a Stanley Cup.

The Wild Card

Hot-tempered and a bit of a control freak, Randy Carlyle calling shots from behind the bench would be a fun ride. Imagine the press conferences with him and Murray. I’m not sure if “bad cop-bad cop” is a thing, but that’s what Murray-Carlyle pressers would look like. I’d give it three months before Murray-Carlyle/Bucky-Sully are engaged in a full-on, ties-around-heads tag team match.

Sabres fans would do well to remember that their hockey club does have a history of poaching former Leaf coaches – most notably Punch Imlach. So Carlyle does make sense from a historical point of view.

Speaking of getting into it with the media: John Tortarella. Torts is YouTube Famous for his icy stares and snappy retorts. Also, the fans still love him from his time as an assistant here in Buffalo. I guess that technically make him a re-tread, but who’s writing this thing here, you?

The Wild Card might not be the best choice of the three, but it guarantees a parabolic rise and fall. And isn't that what sports is all about?